I Remember 2020.

I remember when I went to my last day of normal high school before the pandemic. At the time we never could have fathomed the next year we were about to endure. We all were just excited for a long spring break. It feels so weird now to think about how it was to hug my friends and say goodbye before that break because then it was so simple. A simple “See you after the break” turned into “See you after this break extension” to “See you when this is all over.”

I remember when I first learned about COVID-19. I was sitting in my AP Government class listening to my classmates debate current events topics when my teacher asked us “What do you think will happen with the virus in China?” All of us responded, “Oh it will blow over like everything else” Oh how wrong we were. Thinking back to that class I find it weird that we didn’t have masks on or space between our desks. It’s weird how the mentality we have now affects the memories we have from before.

I remember standing at my register at Michael’s texting my mom about what to stock up on before the long break. Coloring books? Paint? Calligraphy sets? She had signed us up for a virtual art class during that time and I remember her asking me to get paint for her when I was done with my shift. That shift was one of my last before the pandemic reared its ugly head. It was so exciting to stock up on these creative items because I felt like a real adult. Working a job, buying things for my family, and driving myself to work and home. I almost feel like that growth was stunted during the pandemic because I was forced to be home so much.

I remember late in March when my sister was so sad that my mother was afraid she would commit suicide and had me sleep in her room on a mattress on the floor. It wasn’t the most comfortable thing, I will admit but I am thankful for the time I got to bond with my sister. I have always worried that we will grow apart as we get older but during those few weeks I stayed with her it was like we were kids again. It made us closer than ever and I will forever be grateful for her friendship.

I remember when the only time my family and I got out of the house was for yard sign runs for my father’s state representative campaign. A regularly grueling task became a light in the dark for the four of us. We spent hours shoring up yard signs, putting out new and replacing the ones that were too battered to stand. Countless McDonald’s trips, a newfound love for McNuggets, and a new familial bond was created during those trips. That campaign was hard no doubt but I don’t know if I would trade it for the world looking back now. The time I got to spend with my family and the bonds we created are far more important to me than winning.

I remember my mom telling me that she read an article about teenagers in the pandemic and that they recommended journaling. So I bought a journal while I was on shift and shortly after didn’t return to work. I remember driving down the road to a secluded park writing in that journal anything and everything that came to mind. Anything from the number of cars on the road to how quiet the world felt.

I remember how quiet the world seemed deep in the lockdown. It was like the whole world was waiting for the next spike or the next bad news story. Even the wildlife seemed to be quieter like they sensed that the world was not quite right.

I remember how I took my classes during the lockdown. I was taking AP and Dual enrollment classes at the time and each was a new environment. I would log on to my google classroom meeting for AP Gov early in the morning, read the powerpoints for my Geology class during the midday and log onto my Speech class Zoom in the afternoon. I remember recording a speech for that class while my dad goofed off and tried to make me laugh in the background.

I remember the sheer terror I felt going back to work and school. Was I going to kill my family because I brought it home? Was I going to die and become another number on the TV that was always on in my living room? I had no idea what to think so I kept asking my parents what to do. They were just as scared and confused as I was though they never showed it.

I remember my parents telling me how hard it was for them to parent us during the pandemic. It was like the entire handbook for parenting was shredded in their faces. All they could do is listen to the news and protect my sister and me. I remember they told me how helpless they felt. Living between news stories and Breaking News headlines.

I remember writing this essay. Crying at my desk because I can’t say that this pandemic is over. I remember the hopeless feeling I have when I think about my future. I remember knowing that I wouldn’t trade the time I got with my family for the world. I remember how strong I am now because of the experiences I endured. I remember 2020.